Well apparently he's into motor boating.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
