dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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