Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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