No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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