plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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