i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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