Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Vodka?
Forever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
