A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
