Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
