and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
