Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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