A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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