Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this boner is exhausting
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
