some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
