he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize