is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
