Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
