I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
