No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
