I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
