Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
