2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize