my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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