Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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