he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
