when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
