We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
