i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
