There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
