You're so nebulous sometimes
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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