You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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