Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
