you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
