Don't make out with my wife yet
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize