You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
