So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
