my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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