My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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