Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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