The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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