it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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