I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
