My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's just like the Real World with babies
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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