is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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