He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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