Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
