I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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