Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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