32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
