come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
