some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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