Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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