i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
