Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
