The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it because I queefed?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize