You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
