I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bring me that man meat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
