Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
