Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
