so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize