I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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