do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize