Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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