I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
