party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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