You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
