So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
