We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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