He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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