This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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