My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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