I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she told me i tasted like america
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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