Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
