I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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