I wish my penis had an off switch
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize