I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
