I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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