i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
