my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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