Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
