normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
