Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
