My liver just broke up with me...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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