Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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