Are we in a gay sports bar?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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