On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think i got beer on your cat.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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