God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
