the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
