Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
