I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
