it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
