he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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