there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
