plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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