I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
