Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
